Most child development experts cringe at the use of the term "spoiled child." David Elkind, a professor of child development at Tufts University and author of The Hurried Child: Growing Up Too Fast Too Soon, says, "That's really a term from a different era.
Parents who 'spoil,' often out of the best of intentions, really want to give their children everything without their having to work for it.
In infancy, you really need to build the feeling that the world's a safe place." Later on, he says, it's certainly possible to spoil your child by giving him or her too much, not setting boundaries, and not expecting your child to do what's healthy. This is a myth that really needs to be addressed." Research shows that infants whose parents respond quicker to their needs, including their cries, are happier and more independent by their first birthday, Gorski says. "A key warning sign," he says, "is any child much older than the toddler years who continues to act like a baby or toddler -- kicking and screaming, biting other children, not using age-appropriate ways of communicating thoughts and feelings.
They learn to trust that you'll be there when they need you. This is a sign that they're not very secure about themselves." A kid being out of control is a cry for help, not a sign the child is spoiled, Gorski says.
It’s an either-or situation – you can choose to get your own benefits or the derivative benefits of your ex-spouse, whichever is greater.