Basically, they are looking for perfection; which is what they erroneously feel would make them happy, in control and ultimately emotionally safe.
When they find someone that they feel would measure up the push/pull journeys begin. You know what I am talking about: The person is fully present and ensconced in compliments and sweet nothings, and then they don’t call for four days. When the commitment-phobic person is there, they are thinking at the back of their mind about their backdoor way out at all times.
Much of the time, when you meet that perfect person (who is witty, attractive, intelligent, and single), it turns out they’re on the market because the idea of a committed relationship terrifies the pants off them… Societal structures and gender norms mean by and large, the commitment-phobia stereotype is mainly lobbed at males, and for good reason.
Women who wish to have a family often have stricter timetables for finding a suitable mate, and realizing you’re dating a commitment-phobe who may be ready to settle down can be more than frightening.
But if not, it is not at all obvious because one can be deeply taken in by the art of seduction that is prevalent at the hands of a commitment phobic person.